I just heard that on a recent trip to the doctors, Mary Kate Olsen was tested for ovarian cancer and when the tests came back, they found that her DNA matched with the DNA of a Rhesus Monkey!

The good news is that she was healthy. Thank God! Because I heard that if one monkey is sick, the other monkeys will kill the sick one. Ashley doesn’t look violent but now that I know she’s a monkey too, I don’t trust her.

It’s funny but I seem to remember a few years ago the twins were spotted swinging from vine to vine on a Costa Rican vacation. Everyone just assumed they were gymnasts.

Personally I don’t hold it against them. And no one else should either. As long as they don’t shit on the rug they can come and go as they please. Being a monkey just means that they’re not human. Nothing more.

I’m sure they have a skill set that sets them apart from the rest of us. That has not been determined as of yet but hey…look at Mariah Carey. She’s one talented simian if I ever saw one.

And that’s the truth!

So let’s wish the cutest monkey since Bubbles the chimp all the best. In this judgemental world, she’ll need all the luck she can get.

Just don’t feed her.

Filed under: Can I just say:, , Ashley Olsen, full house, Mariah Carey, monkey, socialite