Horoscopes

Celebrity Birthdays of the Week!

JT Arbogast- April 12 - Happy Birthday JT!! JT you complete me!

Aries - The Ram

Do you have that not so fresh feeling? Yeah, well you have that not so fresh smell too… 

 Taurus- The Bull

Tell me is it crowded in the center of the universe?

Gemini- The Twins

It sucks you are bummed about that guy you were seeing but lets take a few steps back. He lost his car and now gets around on a skate board, he sold all of his furniture for beer money and “yo, ma” is how he starts every sentence. He might not be the treasure you made him out to be…?

Cancer- The Crab

You made your point with eloquence and clarity.  I understand exactly where you are coming from and no one could have made that point better, all I have to say is you are dead fucking wrong.

Leo- The Lion

Avoid people who ask for a beer with the phrase “beer me”.

 Virgo-The Virgin

Congratulations on finding love at a renaissance fair! She looks like Stevie Nicks…in fact all the chicks at renaissance fairs look like Stevie Nicks.

Libra - The Scales

Time to start killing the people who have hurt you.

Scorpio- The Scorpion

Dude, your new Chihuahua, Chris, is a rat. Seriously Chris is an over sized rat not a dog.

Sagittarius-The ?

Sorry about your man boobs.

Capricorn-The Goat

If you feel like no one listens to you? It’s because you don’t matter.

Aquarius - The Water Bearer

There he is on the couch eating potato chips, clipping his toe nails and farting. Yeah, I can see why you settled. Good luck.

Pisces - The Fish

Avoid pineapple and the color yellow.

 

 

 

Filed under: Connie's Posts, Horoscopes, Chihuahua, Horoscopes, Man Boobs, pineapple, Stevie Nicks