Hello, It’s me, Lolo Falana, full of fire and ready to help you see the light! Got a problem? Well share your pain with the world. Send momma your dirty drawz, and I’ll help you shout them stains out! I hold a P.H.D in reality, and I only speak the truth.

What’s your issue?

 

 

Dear Lola,

Lets say you’re desperately looking for a job but you’re not good with networking. What else can you suggest for getting your foot in the door?

The future of my career hangs in the balance…no pressure though…..

Signed

-M-

Well your right about the no pressure –M-, I got a job! But let’s see what momma can do.

I don’t think it is the actual networking you worry about, it’s probably the rejection. Rejection is a bitch. That’s why I had to stop showing up every afternoon after practice in the football team’s shower. Way too many “No Lolo you can’t touch it!”, or “No, Lolo you can’t have my baby” It was starting to affect my ego. Putting all that aside, Networking is a powerful way to reach out to as many people as you can and tell them that you are unemployed , pitiful, and desperate. By doing so, you send out a message of helplessness to the universe and it will usually reciprocate with some assistance. However, if you just can’t suck it up and make those connections, there are a few things you could try:

1. Blackmail- you’re unemployed, so drag yourself from the television watching Jerry Springer during the day and pick a male prospective employee and follow him around for a week. Law of averages says that if you do that to 4 different guys over a month you will hit The Elliot Spitzer Jackpot!
2. Kidnapping- Even ransoming an ugly baby can assure you a job at least in the mail room ( or in the laundry room at Rikers, either way you’re employed)
3. Self Employment- Naw, scratch that, if you are too lazy to go out and Network, you’ll be making Cat Food meatloaf by the end of the month.
4. Pray to Jesus- Hell, Moses got the big guy to part the Red Sea for him, you’d think he could get your broke ass a job. If he doesn’t…
5. Pray to Satan- He’s never let me down.

If all else fails just remember, sometimes the road to a job may not be about getting your foot in the door, it may be about not gagging on the Pecker in your mouth.

I hope that helps –M- I have a feeling that I’ll be pulling up to you soon while your perched behind a shiny window asking if I want Fries with that shake.

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Lolo

If you want some pearls of wisdom from Lolo, just go to the contact tab at the top of the page and spill your guts.  remember to put ‘Ask Lolo’ in the title.

 

 

Filed under: Ask Lolo Falanna