I remember when I was in the first gulf war. The Iraqi artillery fire was walking down on our location, My humvee had been capsized by a land mine, and my best friend Sgt. Attaway was pinned beneath the vehicle. Oh yeah, he was also paralyzed…and about to be attacked by a deadly desert scorpion. I had only a moment to react before he was either stung in the retina by the devil bug, or before the burning humvee exploded with stallonesque intensity! I raced to my trapped comrade, gave him a .50 caliber round to bite on and said “hold on Attaway!” I then sawed off his broken leg with a plastic serrated butter knife to release him from the death trap. Pulling him to safety just as the humvee exploded. No, no, please don’t call me a hero. That’s how I roll!

A little bit much? Well alright, how’s about this one. I remember when I was with my boyfriend at an ACTUP rally in Washington D.C. in the 80’s. We had traveled all morning on a bus from NY and he was about to make a speech about the turgid response of the Reagan Presidency to respond to the epidemic. All of a sudden the facist pigs of the D.C. death squads opened fire on the protestors! I had to run in a zig zag pattern to avoid the screaming bullets as I made my way back to our grey hound bus. You see, I am a fighter, and I have been on the front lines! That is why, of all the applicants, I am the best candidate for this mini-mart security job. Who do you want at 3 am when that questionable person comes through the door with a hoody and a bad attitude? Me! I have the experience to weather the dark clouds forming on the horizon. What!? Okay, no I didn’t have a boyfriend in the 80s. what’s your point?

Not buying it? Well of course not, nor should you if you are a thinking adult. Almost everyone stretches the truth a hair on their resumes to augment their ‘wow’ factor, but this week Hillary Clinton stretched the elasticity of the truth to record lengths. For anyone who had the common sense to push back from the boob tube this week and missed the excitement, let me bring you up to speed.

Hillary Clinton has long laid claim on the title of “most experienced” in this pageant. She cites her travels and duties as first lady as evidence of that fact. Due largely to some unearthed video footage from CBS, we find that Hillary Clinton may not have been accurate in her harrowing description of a visit to Bosnia while performing her important duties as first lady. According to her, she had to race off the plane to safety as sniper bullets whizzed over her head. In reality we see a shot of Hillary and Chelsea (with the comedian Sinbad not too far in the rear) casually strolling to meet an 8 year old Bosnian girl who was waiting patiently to read the first lady a poem. I would give her the benefit of the doubt if she hadn’t made the same mistake at least two separate times, and then said: I’m human, I misspoke. No Miss thing you mis-told the truth.

I am not one to believe something just because a campaign supporter recites a talking point on CNN, so I never bought into the Clinton argument that she was more qualified because of her time spent in the white house. However, I still respected Mrs. Clinton’s record of service. Her true record, it was enough. Now as the experience angle is the last weapon in her arsenal that’s not jamming, she obviously feels that it’s okay to embellish a little bit. Well it’s not. Her repeated use of this fable was designed to reinforce her illusion of experience to the masses. Cheap trick, in an ever increasingly cheap campaign. The problem for both Hillary and Obama( who also had his misspoke moment with the Reverend Wright affair), is that in the youtube era, everything you say can and will be used against you in the court of public opinion. There are teams of webheads on both sides of the debate going over every transcript or video that was ever created and lives on in cyber space to find the’Macaca’ moment to derail the opposing candidate. I think it sucks, and I would hate to have someone following my every word, but I am not running for President.

So the next time she decides to tell a tall tale of doing commando rolls on the heated tarmac with a k-bar between her teeth. Avoiding sniper fire and single handedly ending the conflict in Ireland. Please make sure that it actually happened. It’s much better that way. As my momma always said, it’s easier to keep track of the truth.

What’s that? You say she didn’t say she did commando rolls with a K-bar? Oh, I’m sorry, I misspoke.

FL

Filed under: Purple State, ACTUP, AIDS, Barack Obama, Bosnia, Chelsea, CNN, desert scorpion, Hillary Clinton lies, Humor, Humvee, Iraq war, K-bar, Macaca, political, Politics, Rambo, Reagan, Stallone, youtube