Hello, It’s me, Lolo Falana, full of fire and ready to help you see the light! Got a problem? Well share your pain with the world. Send momma your dirty drawz, and I’ll help you shout them stains out! I hold a P.H.D in reality, and I only speak the truth.

What’s your issue?

“Dear Lolo, My neighbors dog is driving me fucking crazy! It barks all day long, on, and on, and on. I made mention of it to her, but she doesn’t understand how bad it is because the dog won’t bark when she’s home. Help!!!”

Signed,

Too Nice

Hello “Too Nice”, you are right, that is your issue exactly, you are too nice. Don’t know yah, but I’ll bet you are one of those people who feel that you will have a special place in heaven by playing the martyr. Get Off The Cross! It is your neighbor, not your lover. (At least I don’t think it is). You don’t owe her anything except common courtesy. If you have an issue with listening to her psychotic dog all day long, then tell her so, that’s what adults do. When I say tell her, I don’t mean that you see her in the elevator and after remarking on how nice the weather is you say, “Wow, your dog was really loud today ha ha ha” The hell with that! Tell her that she needs to fix the problem of the dog barking because it is unacceptable. My neighbor downstairs was experiencing the same thing with the woman who lived above him. That queen recorded audio on his cell phone so that he could give the bitch proof! Now that’s some balls. She put the dog on Prozac the next day.

Maybe you are not good with confrontation. If that’s the case write a nice, but firm letter asking for her help in dealing with the situation. If she doesn’t respond, go to the building board and make a complaint, and then, if the mutt is still yapping, next time you see her, chop that bitch in the throat!

( Dog or owner, take your pick)

If you want some pearls of wisdom from Lola, just go to the contact tab at the top of the page and spill your guts.  remember to put ‘Ask Lolo’ in the title.

Filed under: Ask Lolo Falanna, advice column, barking dogs, cell phone recordings, cocksandwich, Humor, noisy neighbors