The Cocksandwich.net weekly chicken sandwich recipe:

 Please note the weekly cocksandwich.net chicken sandwich recipe will never include the following phrases: “Yummo”, “Delish”, or “No Brainer”. The only time something like that would happen is if I found myself suddenly lobotomized while being anally probed with a garden instrument.  That was last weekend and I do not anticipate a repeat of those events. Some people might refer to that sort of thing as great cardio or “Saturday night”, I however have deemed it bullshit. I digress.    We try to keep things green here at cocksandwich.net so I like to include foods that are indigenous to New York City.  Keeping that in mind this week’s recipe is a family favorite in my house, I like to call it “kick ass” pizza chicken sandwich.  Pizza as many of you probably know originally came from the Incas.  After a long day of building pyramids and mysterious buildings that had no function, they didn’t have a lot of time to plan a meal. Being the brilliant people that they were, the Incas, knew that it was much easier to just kill people from a neighboring tribe and steal their food. Many times the smallest Inca tribe member would grab a pizza left in the oven of a family that bit it during the invasion.  It is believed that the tribe would then reminisce about the invasion and the wacky hijinks that went on while feasting on warm pizza. Things you will need: 

1. A telephone or cell phone if that is all you use.
2. Loose comfortable clothing, cotton is preferable
3. A series of pizza menus from surrounding pizza establishments (narrow it down to three-sometimes they go out of business and you might need a back up)
4. Cash to pay for the pizza (enough for the bill and a tip)
5. An English to Spanish translation book or if you took it in school or had a Latino nanny like Mitt Romney’s kid you won’t need the book. This is to be able to make change and thank the delivery guy when your pizza gets there.
6. Some pre-cooked chicken breast
7. plate (s) for food to be placed
8. Knife or one of those round pizza blade things that I wish I had to cut through the hot bubbling cheese.

Instructions:Slip on some comfortable loose natural fibered clothing. Peruse the menus of the local pizza establishments and try to remember who spoke the best English when you called there last. Try that one first. Provided you have reached a person who can understand what you are saying, order a large cheese, veggie or mushroom pizza. Give them your address and wait for the goodness to arrive. Feel free to pat yourself on the back for choosing an ingredient that is indigenous to New York City. Think about it, your carbon footprint just got that much lighter. Once the pizza has arrived quickly grab your cash, translation book and head for the door. Once you have used as much universal sign language to convey your delight and how much change you need back, thank the delivery guy. NOTE: Do not skimp on the tip. He might live in a room with like ten other people. Besides what is a buck or two to you?  Take pizza into kitchen, place one piece on plate, then place pre-cooked chicken on top of bottom piece. Then place another piece of pizza on top of pre-cooked chicken. There you have it. I like to use this little recipe when I have last minute guests or plan to stuff my pain deep down inside. I hope you and your loved ones enjoy it!

Filed under: Connie's Posts, Recipe of the Week, Pizza:Foods indigenous to New York City:garden instrume