Horoscopes

 

Aries- “The Ram” (March 21-April 20)

Love might be in your near future however a rash could quickly follow.

 

 

Taurus- “The Bull” (April 21-May 21)

Try to avoid anyone who is balding, wearing blue or listening to an i-pod. If this describes you, do your best to avoid yourself.

 

Gemini- “The Twins” (May 22-June21)

Looking for love? Well as the saying goes you cannot love anyone truly until you start to love yourself. http://www.babeland.com. Don’t forget to pick up some batteries.

 

 

 

Cancer “The Crab” (June 22-July 23)

You are feeling extra cute these days and on top of your game. Feel free to punch a random stranger on the way home from work today. You earned it!

 

Leo “The Lion” (July 23-Aug.23)

Want to make an impression on that special someone? Nothing says “I’m really into you” like stalking.

 

Virgo ”The Virgin” (Aug. 24-Sept.23)

When are you just going to give it up already?!?!  It’s not made of gold.

 

Libra- “The Scales” (Sept.24-Oct.23)

Consider yourself lucky, you woke up indoors with most of your clothes on. 

Scorpio “The Scorpion” (Oct.24 –Nov.22)

If you start to notice that people are avoiding you or acting distant. Don’t worry it’s your imagination or they might all hate your guts.

 

 

 

Sagittarius “The ?” (Nov.23-Dec.21)

Having boundary issues with someone? Nothing draws a line in the sand like murder.

 

 

Capricorn “The Goat” (Dec.22-Jan.20)

No one really wants to hear anything more about Steven. He’s a nice guy but he smells like patchouli and has a lazy eye.

 

Aquarius “The Water Bearer” (Jan.21-Feb. 19)

Those are not messages from your subconscious, that is multiple personality disorder. Best of luck to all of you.

 

  Pisces “The Fish” (Feb. 20- March 20)

  Avoid anyone wearing pastels.  

    

Filed under: Connie's Posts, Horoscopes, Aries:Taurus:Gemini:Cancer:Leo:Virgo:Libra:Scorpio:Sagi